Friends marry, become parents, married friends separate or divorce. Others change careers or go back to school. Fellow community gardeners move away, even out of the country. I've hosted a local radio program (under my male name up until now) for nearly five years, and I am grateful for the opportunity to have done so; but, at any point, a change in management, a change in managerial ideology, and the show may be one of many to become permanently part of the station's history. I do my shows often like I learned to breathe in the years after my mother's death, as if each breath might be my last. Fortunately, I still breathe, and live, to this day.
Of course, I too, am in flux, my body morphing into a softer, more feminine shape. Some react positively to my changing physical reality, others coldly, still others oscillate daily in their reactions.
In all of this flux, I need to ground myself in meditation practice again. To experience flux is one thing; to be in flux requires real ground.
