Spring might be about new things and new life, but summer is usually considered a season of maturity and growth. A good description of this past summer. My mood stabilized, my life seemed to find a new balance and, after coming out to my father and stepmother, things seemed much less frantic. I was still busy, at work and outside of it, but I felt as if I were moving through it more smoothly. I had gained an important insight: individually, I knew what was my stuff and what was other people's. I had a clearer sense of my boundaries and limits, of who I was and where I was.
Feedback at work told me that the quality of my service was excellent. In life, I knew which relationships were working and which ones I needed to let fade into history. Old wounds between me and some others were healed. I had learned the value of friendship through, sadly, losing many friends; memories of friends who had passed on over the past year continued to haunt me. But, I could better handle the comings and goings of my living friends, feeling fortunate to know to them and wishing them well.
In mid-August, my father and stepmother came to visit and stay with me for a week. One of the best, tender and fun weeks in recent memory. It was clear that their acceptance of me was total. I felt so much joy in showing them around my neighbourhood, introducing them to my friends and neighbours and just having them around. A major shift was happening. I also felt the sadness of time lost over the years between my father and myself and I could tell it broke his heart as well. The tears I shed (and there were plenty) were for this, and missed them as soon as they left my house at pre-dawn that Sunday. I miss them still. I look forward to seeing them again, soon.
The paper work for my upcoming gender confirmation surgery went back and forth between Vancouver, Victoria and Montreal during the summer. I began to look forward excited, and more than a little nervous. I see an upcoming year of adventure, and risk, and recovery, and rest (not just sleep). Lots of time to write as I heal. My transition continues to have a ripple effect on other parts of my life.
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